31 days of losing myself to find myself...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years? Yeah, You know them, the ones that feel like a downward spiral. The next thing you know it's all about you. And then it just gets worse from there.

I've had one of those years. The details are unnecessary. Let's just say I've made every mistake a single girl can make and then some.

Today is a new day.

31 days of committing to ending the constant search for love or to be coupled up with let's be honest... someone that probably doesn't even deserve the space my mind wants to give them. I have a feeling this won't be easy. I don't even know what it will look like.

These are the promise that I will make to October (quite possibly my favorite month)

1. I will only look forward. The mistakes I made where that... MISTAKES. I can't fix that I was too needy, too trusting, too naive, too lonely. I can only promise to not look back.

2. I will not date this month.

3. I will not text or use social media to advance my love life or lack there of...

4. I will not fall for ridiculous lines/lies...

5. I will be ok with the above mentioned promises. Yikes!

What I love today...

My 5 faves of the day...

1. Local Foods Mustard. Delicious. Need I say more?
2. Lululemon. Lovely. Just lovely. I am newly obsessed.
3. Say Yes to the Dress. I am in no state emotionally to be watching this show but... I. Can't. Stop.
4. The Avery Bed at Pottery Barn. I don't know how long I can do without you.
5. Garnett Hill. Oh how I want everything you have to offer. Too bad I cannot afford you.

5 Things I love right now...

1. Fedoras. I cannot deny it. I love love love them. I have to say I like hats. I think they are fab. But have not had the guts to wear them. Yeah sure. I'll wear a baseball cap to run in or a sun hat on the beach. But a fedora? Never right? Wrong. I did it. Now that my hair is longer, I sucked it up and bought one. Now... Where to wear it?

2. Ray Ban Aviators. I've always wanted some fancy shades. In my heartbreak retail therapy I splurged. (I've been doing a lot of that lately). I love them. They are hip if I do say so myself. They look good with everything. Well... almost everything.

3. Mini sized Blizzards at Dairy Queen. The perfect size. Need I say more?

4. The Canal. I've been running the canal downtown. I'm newly obsessed. It is my happy place. The dog agrees.

5. Gladiator sandals. Am I a season to late?

My cheatin' heart...

So... I've been cheating on you. Let's be honest, I started this post pretending to be empowered and single. I "broke up" with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I was lost. I couldn't breathe and was drowning. It was such a scary feeling. I felt like I was drowning in us and loosing me. I loved him very much but didn't know who I was. Initially it was a mutual decision... But later, I realized I was the one that had laid down and died. He initially fought for me and then with me. I wish I had not given up. We had been through so much and I thought I wouldn't survive it. But ironically enough, I did... We, however, did not. We were broken up for over a year before we were really done.

This is where the cheating comes in... I still love him. If I could be married to him instead of Adventure, I sure would be.