31 days of losing myself to find myself...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years? Yeah, You know them, the ones that feel like a downward spiral. The next thing you know it's all about you. And then it just gets worse from there.

I've had one of those years. The details are unnecessary. Let's just say I've made every mistake a single girl can make and then some.

Today is a new day.

31 days of committing to ending the constant search for love or to be coupled up with let's be honest... someone that probably doesn't even deserve the space my mind wants to give them. I have a feeling this won't be easy. I don't even know what it will look like.

These are the promise that I will make to October (quite possibly my favorite month)

1. I will only look forward. The mistakes I made where that... MISTAKES. I can't fix that I was too needy, too trusting, too naive, too lonely. I can only promise to not look back.

2. I will not date this month.

3. I will not text or use social media to advance my love life or lack there of...

4. I will not fall for ridiculous lines/lies...

5. I will be ok with the above mentioned promises. Yikes!

What I love today...

My 5 faves of the day...

1. Local Foods Mustard. Delicious. Need I say more?
2. Lululemon. Lovely. Just lovely. I am newly obsessed.
3. Say Yes to the Dress. I am in no state emotionally to be watching this show but... I. Can't. Stop.
4. The Avery Bed at Pottery Barn. I don't know how long I can do without you.
5. Garnett Hill. Oh how I want everything you have to offer. Too bad I cannot afford you.

5 Things I love right now...

1. Fedoras. I cannot deny it. I love love love them. I have to say I like hats. I think they are fab. But have not had the guts to wear them. Yeah sure. I'll wear a baseball cap to run in or a sun hat on the beach. But a fedora? Never right? Wrong. I did it. Now that my hair is longer, I sucked it up and bought one. Now... Where to wear it?

2. Ray Ban Aviators. I've always wanted some fancy shades. In my heartbreak retail therapy I splurged. (I've been doing a lot of that lately). I love them. They are hip if I do say so myself. They look good with everything. Well... almost everything.

3. Mini sized Blizzards at Dairy Queen. The perfect size. Need I say more?

4. The Canal. I've been running the canal downtown. I'm newly obsessed. It is my happy place. The dog agrees.

5. Gladiator sandals. Am I a season to late?

My cheatin' heart...

So... I've been cheating on you. Let's be honest, I started this post pretending to be empowered and single. I "broke up" with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I was lost. I couldn't breathe and was drowning. It was such a scary feeling. I felt like I was drowning in us and loosing me. I loved him very much but didn't know who I was. Initially it was a mutual decision... But later, I realized I was the one that had laid down and died. He initially fought for me and then with me. I wish I had not given up. We had been through so much and I thought I wouldn't survive it. But ironically enough, I did... We, however, did not. We were broken up for over a year before we were really done.

This is where the cheating comes in... I still love him. If I could be married to him instead of Adventure, I sure would be.

101 Updates...

So here is an update on my 101 list. So as you will notice. I'm a shopper. All of the things I have done have mostly to do with spending. I have found that it is quite a talent of mine.

101 Things to do…

1. Renew my Passport

2. Go somewhere that requires a passport

3. Visit a winery in Indiana

4. Visit a winery in Napa Valley

5. Lose 30 lbs and keep it off for more than a week

6. Go on a date or two

7. Take a road trip with friends

8. Paint my bedroom

9. Paint my living room

10. Get a new couch for the living room

11. Get a wrought iron bed

12. Renovate my bathroom (or pay someone to)

13. Trust Griffin outside of his crate- While it was just the amount of time it took to go grocery shopping, I am still very proud of my little guy. Once he got over the initial shock of me leaving he curled up on the couch and just chilled. He didn't chew a single thing up...

14. Run in a road race

15. Visit Chicago for a weekend in the Summer/Fall

16. Go to a Colts Game

17. Mission Trip to Guatemala

18. Attend a First Friday with friends

19. Eat healthier for a full month

20. Cut fast food out of my diet for 1 month

21. Drink more water

22. Read 5 books in a year (pitiful I know)

23. Go to Mexico

24. Go to Symphony on the Prairie

25. Go to an outdoor movie at the art museum

26. Get a hitch put on my car

27. Pay off credit card bills

28. Keep my house clean for a month straight

29. Take a photography class

30. Hang pictures in my living room

31. Hang pictures/décor in my bedroom

32. Landscape my yard

33. Attend 8 festivals in Indianapolis

34. Run the canal loop

35. Run the canal loop with Griffin

36. Get another tattoo

37. Learn to sew

38. Pick out fabric for mom to make me a quilt

39. Get new furniture for my spare bedroom

40. Tithe regularly

41. Rejoin a city group/house church

42. Travel to Italy

43. Take a yoga class in a new city

44. Climb/hike a mountain

45. Visit Portland Oregon and Portland Maine

46. Go to a soccer game in Europe

47. Have dinner at Amici’s

48. Learn to suture

49. Attend an AANP conference

50. Attend an orthopedic conference

51. Have a spa day

52. Go Ice skating

53. Take a jewelry making class

54. Buy an Alessi Watch- Ahhh... I'm in love. It is super cute. I couldn't resist. Silver in the City was having a 25% off sale.

55. Go 1 month without spending money on unnecessary items (i.e. clothes, jewelry and other junk)

56. Take a trip to Owensville when Mom and Dad aren’t there.

57. Buy a pair of Birkenstock clogs- It started off with me telling my self, "I'll just go look". I found a cute pair that were amazingly comfortable. Birkenstock Clogs= Happy feet.

58. Take a trip to SanFran hippyland.

59. Dog sit for a friend

60. Skip doggy daycare for 1 week… Replace it with the barkpark

61. Clean my basement

62. Seal off the cracks at the base of my house that causes my basement to get wet

63. Go to a book club

64. Go see a movie by myself- Eat Pray Love. A story to live by.

65. Buy a dress and wear it

66. Vacation with my family

67. Visit NYC

68. Go to the Trader’s Point Farmers Market

69. Ride my bike to the downtown farmers market and to the broad ripple farmers market

70. Use my treat receipt- I finally used it. A delicious iced chai for just $2

71. Get my nails painted and keep them painted for 1 month

72. Get to know a patient and their story

73. Buy a road bike

74. Buy bike shoes

75. Buy clipless pedals

76. Ride a bike clipped in

77. Do the NITE Ride

78. Do the LATE Ride

79. Have dinner at the Red Lion Grog House

80. Learn a foreign language

81. Go snow skiing/snowboarding

82. Take my nephew to the Children’s Museum

83. Make dinner for myself (not microwaving) 1 night a week for a month

84. Take my lunch to work everyday for 2 weeks

85. Make a dessert

86. Spend the day at the Central Library

87. Get a subscription to a magazine

88. Grow my hair out

89. Dance at a wedding

90. Go out for just dessert

91. By a wall clock for my dining room

92. Go to an auction

93. Buy something at an auction

94. Buy another pair of TOMS SHOES

95. Donate clothes to Goodwill/AMVET/Salvation Army

96. Subscribe to a professional journal

97. Buy a long necklace to replace the one I lost

98. Visit a brewery

99. Make friends with someone unexpected

100. Buy something at IKEA that isn’t food related

101. Post this to my Blog- Obviously.

101 Things to do...

So I have made a list. I'm not naturally a list maker... But I made a friend at the art museum's outdoor movie a few years ago. She told me about this magical list she was doing. I was intrigued. I have thought about it a million times since then... And I have used every excuse I could find not to do it. I have officially run out of excuses.

101 Things to do…

1. Renew my Passport

2. Go somewhere that requires a passport

3. Visit a winery in Indiana

4. Visit a winery in Napa Valley

5. Lose 30 lbs and keep it off for more than a week

6. Go on a date or two

7. Take a road trip with friends

8. Paint my bedroom

9. Paint my living room

10. Get a new couch for the living room

11. Get a wrought iron bed

12. Renovate my bathroom (or pay someone to)

13. Trust Griffin outside of his crate

14. Run in a road race

15. Visit Chicago for a weekend in the Summer/Fall

16. Go to a Colts Game

17. Mission Trip to Guatemala

18. Attend a First Friday with friends

19. Eat healthier for a full month

20. Cut fast food out of my diet for 1 month

21. Drink more water

22. Read 5 books in a year (pitiful I know)

23. Go to Mexico

24. Go to Symphony on the Prairie

25. Go to an outdoor movie at the art museum

26. Get a hitch put on my car

27. Pay off credit card bills

28. Keep my house clean for a month straight

29. Take a photography class

30. Hang pictures in my living room

31. Hang pictures/décor in my bedroom

32. Landscape my yard

33. Attend 8 festivals in Indianapolis

34. Run the canal loop

35. Run the canal loop with Griffin

36. Get another tattoo

37. Learn to sew

38. Pick out fabric for mom to make me a quilt

39. Get new furniture for my spare bedroom

40. Tithe regularly

41. Rejoin a city group/house church

42. Travel to Italy

43. Take a yoga class in a new city

44. Climb/hike a mountain

45. Visit Portland Oregon and Portland Maine

46. Go to a soccer game in Europe

47. Have dinner at Amici’s

48. Learn to suture

49. Attend an AANP conference

50. Attend an orthopedic conference

51. Have a spa day

52. Go Ice skating

53. Take a jewelry making class

54. Buy an Alessi Watch

55. Go 1 month without spending money on unnecessary items (i.e. clothes, jewelry and other junk)

56. Take a trip to Owensville when Mom and Dad aren’t there.

57. Buy a pair of Birkenstock clogs

58. Take a trip to SanFran hippyland.

59. Dog sit for a friend

60. Skip doggy daycare for 1 week… Replace it with the barkpark

61. Clean my basement

62. Seal off the cracks at the base of my house that causes my basement to get wet

63. Go to a book club

64. Go see a movie by myself

65. Buy a dress and wear it

66. Vacation with my family

67. Visit NYC

68. Go to the Trader’s Point Farmers Market

69. Ride my bike to the downtown farmers market to the broad ripple farmers market

70. Use my treat receipt

71. Get my nails painted and keep them painted for 1 month

72. Get to know a patient and their story

73. Buy a road bike

74. Buy bike shoes

75. Buy clipless pedals

76. Ride a bike clipped in

77. Do the NITE Ride

78. Do the LATE Ride

79. Have dinner at the Red Lion Grog House

80. Learn a foreign language

81. Go snow skiing/snowboarding

82. Take my nephew to the Children’s Museum

83. Make dinner for myself (not microwaving) 1 night a week for a month

84. Take my lunch to work everyday for 2 weeks

85. Make a dessert

86. Spend the day at the Central Library

87. Get a subscription to a magazine

88. Grow my hair out

89. Dance at a wedding

90. Go out for just dessert

91. Buy a wall clock for my dining room

92. Go to an auction

93. Buy something at an auction

94. Buy another pair of TOMS SHOES

95. Donate clothes to Goodwill/AMVET/Salvation Army

96. Subscribe to a professional journal

97. Buy a long necklace to replace the one I lost

98. Visit a brewery

99. Make friends with someone unexpected

100. Buy something at IKEA that isn’t food related

101. Post this to my Blog